:: Black Skulls, Pink Ruffles--Goth vs Martha Stewart ::

:: Tuesday, November 18, 2003 ::

Eleanor, Queen of Disaster

Yes, I have managed to land myself in the hospital again. I figured I ought to mention my brief stay in the ICU...I ate walnuts. By accident, of course, but I still ate them. I am all better now, obviously, and I am home, but it sucked. Greatly. It seems my allergy has gotten worse, and my beloved fed me butter pecan ice cream with a walnut caramel swirl (who knew they used walnuts as a natural caramel colorant? I didn't!), so I went squishles. I am yummy now, but it was a totally oogie time, and I had never spent so long in an ICU before except for Sophia's NICU visit. Blech.
:: Eleanor 2:59 PM [+] ::
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The Partner I Know and Love...

...is my fiance, John. He is Sophia's stepdad, my biggest inspiration, a loving and caring father/family member...and someone none of my high school or college friends have ever met. I will admit, I am very excited--and a little scared--to introduce the person I have decided to spend the rest of my life with to the people I have spent it with so far. What if they don't like him? What if he doesn't like them? I have had to come to terms with the fact that either of these might be so. In a lot of ways, he is very different from many of my friends: he is super outgoing, totally worldly, and has seen way too much to really seem all that young anymore. Yet, at the same time, he is really young in many ways since his life has been in a state of suspended animation for a while. It's really neat...he's a lot like me.

Even neater, though, is that he's not a lot like me in some ways. He makes me get out of bed in the morning, gets me to do my homework, makes me remember to call doctors and such...until I find that I am doing it on my own, without his prompting, just because I should. It's not something I expected, to be sure, but for him to be strong where I am weak is good. I haven't really had that kind of foundation, and it's something Sophia needs as well if she is going to have a healthy life and childhood. Also, he is super dedicated to the idea of cleaning my house (which is courageous, as any of you who've visited already know) and keeping it that way--for the wellbeing of Sophia and me! I don't know, he's the biggest walking contradiction i've ever met, and he's got bags of charisma...people just get stuck on him and don't want to let go. His life reminds me of my own, and he's someone I have fully opened myself up to, even the parts of me that I hate and hide and never want to talk about. I don't think he realizes how brave he makes me, or how special it is whenever I apologize to him (I HATE apologizing) or tell him my darkest feelings, and I won't tell him it's special. I like that it is something he has learned to take for granted from me: I always tell him the truth, I always keep my word to him, and I can tell him anything.

This is so totally new...this feeling is like having diamonds in my head: beautifully flawless, clear as ice water, but hard as steel and immune to breakage. Wow.
:: Eleanor 3:34 AM [+] ::
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Guess What?

Well, It's been a while, but there's a lot to talk about, so here we go. First of all, my little girl is a WHOLE YEAR OLD!!! Happy birthday, Sophia! She passed out of the "months" phase on November 7th, and she is definitely showing it. At last count she had six teeth that were either fully grown in or in the process thereof, although she won't let any of us look at them without biting us, and those things are razor sharp! Her favorite foods are all the things she isn't supposed to like, such as 3-alarm chili, cheese fries, and very garlicky spaghetti, but I guess she gets the "weird" thing from her mom.

Speaking of weird, Sophia's stepdad John bought her her absolute favorite dolly in the whole world (she likes dolls now)--Seth and Grace, you will be proud. It's a little girl doll with a black diaper, vinyl boots, braided orange and yellow dreads, and a face only my daughter could love. Lots of spider barrettes and pins, too. She fell in love with it at the store and won't go anywhere without it now...its name is "Dieyi". Yeah, she's definitely mine. If you need more reassurance of that, you should see her costume from Hallow's Eve: she went out in a little black jumpsuit with a gray oversuit--that had eight legs and spider webs, as well as a companion spider! Yup, my babygirl was a spider for halloween, and she broke everyone in the neighborhood. She also figured out the "take handfuls of candy" game, and all she had to do was flash her cute little dimples to get away with it. (Spoiled much?)

As for me, I am currently in school and working part time, as well as being full time Mommy and errand girl. I totally miss my friends, but I am looking into trying to see people around Thanksgiving, if they'll be here. Anyone who's reading this, CALL ME! I have a new cellular phone I can actually be reached at, and someone at my house will give you the number. It's contract, not pre-pay, so life will be better and conversations will be longer. :) That's all the news for right now, though I am sure I'll think of something for tomorrow. Love you all!
:: Eleanor 3:16 AM [+] ::
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